Just before Ma was admitted to the hospital for the last time, she called up her friend Emily and requested a lot of things. One of them was for Emily and me to plan a surprise birthday party for Pa. Emily told me about it after the funeral, and I said let's just have dinner at a restaurant with a small group of friends. Next thing I know she had already booked the restaurant, selected the menu, invited a bunch of friends, and said they would pay for the dinner. All we had to do was show up.
So that's what we did. Kit, Sven and I spent the day with Pa at a museum. When we got home, we told Pa we should just go out to dinner. When we got to the restaurant, the waiter showed us to a darkened room. Next thing you know, everyone was singing happy birthday. Pa was surprised. When we told him this was Ma's wish, he said she must have known she wouldn't be around much longer.
The dinner was at a Chinese restaurant. There were 33 of us. We had seafood soup, Peking duck, two kinds of vegetables, salt & pepper ribs, fried rice, steamed fish, and dessert. After eating, the friends gave Pa a card with $300 in it.
Now it's time to write thank you cards again.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Cremation
Ma was cremated on Monday, Nov. 30. Pa went to the crematory. I would have joined him if I had known he was going. I heard he cried.
We picked up Ma's ashes the next day at the funeral home. I didn't see him, but the workers said Pa was crying when he took the urn.
On Wednesday, Dec. 2, we took Ma's urn to the cemetery. There were only about a dozen of us there. Father Larry did the blessing. Pa cried a lot. So did Isa.
The niche has a glass covering so you can see inside. We attached a small, framed photo of Ma to the front of the urn. Next to it we put a framed photo of her as a young woman. We included her two prayer books, worn and all taped up from decades of use, and her blue rosary. Outside the niche is a vase where we put fresh flowers from the wreaths that people sent.
Only one person joined us for lunch. Before Ma died, she wanted Peking duck for Thanksgiving. I thought it appropriate that we have that for lunch. Ma would have loved it.
We picked up Ma's ashes the next day at the funeral home. I didn't see him, but the workers said Pa was crying when he took the urn.
On Wednesday, Dec. 2, we took Ma's urn to the cemetery. There were only about a dozen of us there. Father Larry did the blessing. Pa cried a lot. So did Isa.
The niche has a glass covering so you can see inside. We attached a small, framed photo of Ma to the front of the urn. Next to it we put a framed photo of her as a young woman. We included her two prayer books, worn and all taped up from decades of use, and her blue rosary. Outside the niche is a vase where we put fresh flowers from the wreaths that people sent.
Only one person joined us for lunch. Before Ma died, she wanted Peking duck for Thanksgiving. I thought it appropriate that we have that for lunch. Ma would have loved it.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Wedding Anniversary
Yesterday would have been Ma & Pa's 52nd wedding anniversary. Isa & I joined Pa for the 7:30 Mass. We also went with him to his morning appointment with the cardiologist. Afterwards we stopped at the cemetery to visit Ma. We've been visiting often. Pa probably goes every day and cries each time. I thought for sure he'd cry yesterday, but he didn't. The rest of the day was pretty quiet. I gave him an 8x10 photo of him and Ma from two years ago at Alvin's wedding. He immediately hanged it on the wall. I'll post the photo later.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
The Funeral
The funeral Mass was held on Saturday, November 28 at St. Patrick Church in Rodeo, the church that Ma and Pa attended. Most people went directly to the church. There were only about 20 people at the funeral home. We were able to say goodbye to Ma in relative privacy. It was a short procession from the funeral home to the church.
Cousin Fr. Rene co-officiated the Mass with Fr. Larry, the parish priest. Becky, a family friend, delivered the eulogy. Pa said thanks afterwards.
I saw Dr. Hsu, Ma's primary care physician, at the church. Her radiation oncologist, Dr. Shank, was also there.
Not everyone joined us at the reception afterwards. It was held at China Delights in El Sobrante. There were about 130 guests.
The day wasn't as emotionally draining as I had feared. Pa and Isa held up well.
Cousin Fr. Rene co-officiated the Mass with Fr. Larry, the parish priest. Becky, a family friend, delivered the eulogy. Pa said thanks afterwards.
I saw Dr. Hsu, Ma's primary care physician, at the church. Her radiation oncologist, Dr. Shank, was also there.
Not everyone joined us at the reception afterwards. It was held at China Delights in El Sobrante. There were about 130 guests.
The day wasn't as emotionally draining as I had feared. Pa and Isa held up well.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
The Visitation
Ma usually shows up early for appointments and parties, sometimes half an hour early. It's ironic she was late for her own wake. Viewing was supposed to start at 1:00 Friday, November 27 (Thursday was Thanksgiving), but her casket didn't arrive till 1:40. I didn't ask what caused the delay.
Ma looked very different. Her face was still very bloated, and her skin had turned very dark (from the chemo, I hear). I didn't like how she looked at all. It was like saying goodbye to a stranger. I'm glad I made an enlarged copy of her photo from before she got sick (this one) so that people would remember what she really looked like.
Ma & Pa's friends and relatives have been incredibly helpful. They brought lots of food to the funeral home and lent a helping hand whenever needed.
I'm not sure how many people showed up. Probably more than 200. I'm sure there were over 150 at the prayers in the evening.
Among the relatives who flew or drove from out of town were Joy, Emily, Ate Rose, Fr. Rene, Romeo, Jess & Helen, and Alvin & Hylee. I saw people I hadn't seen in years. My miserable facial recognition skills were put to the test. I've never hugged or shaken hands with so many people. Ma's cardiologist stopped by briefly. A few nurses also visited. Even patients of Pa's came to pay their respects.
A family friend led the novena and rosary. Fr. Rene read the gospel and gave a homily. Cousins (Vicky, Beth, Jess & Tricia) and a family friend were kind enough to deliver eulogies. Dorothy read a eulogy sent by a close cousin of Ma's.
A family friend made the casket flowers and boutonnieres and refused to be reimbursed for the cost. I was afraid there'd be no other flowers, but I needn't have worried. There were two arrangements from the hospital, one from the cardiology practice that Ma frequented, another from the pharmacy, and one from the termite company. Their office is in the same building as Pa's, and they've known Ma & Pa for years. Cousin Sonny & family sent flowers. So did my friend & Kit's friend Joy along with Kit's other friends Lore, Laura & Noriko. Another relative also sent flowers. My high school classmates Joji & Corette came with their husbands. The family of another classmate Baba also visited. Her mother and Pa were neighbors in Manila and have known each other for years.
It was a long and exhausting day. We were grateful for all the help and caring we received.
Ma looked very different. Her face was still very bloated, and her skin had turned very dark (from the chemo, I hear). I didn't like how she looked at all. It was like saying goodbye to a stranger. I'm glad I made an enlarged copy of her photo from before she got sick (this one) so that people would remember what she really looked like.
Ma & Pa's friends and relatives have been incredibly helpful. They brought lots of food to the funeral home and lent a helping hand whenever needed.
I'm not sure how many people showed up. Probably more than 200. I'm sure there were over 150 at the prayers in the evening.
Among the relatives who flew or drove from out of town were Joy, Emily, Ate Rose, Fr. Rene, Romeo, Jess & Helen, and Alvin & Hylee. I saw people I hadn't seen in years. My miserable facial recognition skills were put to the test. I've never hugged or shaken hands with so many people. Ma's cardiologist stopped by briefly. A few nurses also visited. Even patients of Pa's came to pay their respects.
A family friend led the novena and rosary. Fr. Rene read the gospel and gave a homily. Cousins (Vicky, Beth, Jess & Tricia) and a family friend were kind enough to deliver eulogies. Dorothy read a eulogy sent by a close cousin of Ma's.
A family friend made the casket flowers and boutonnieres and refused to be reimbursed for the cost. I was afraid there'd be no other flowers, but I needn't have worried. There were two arrangements from the hospital, one from the cardiology practice that Ma frequented, another from the pharmacy, and one from the termite company. Their office is in the same building as Pa's, and they've known Ma & Pa for years. Cousin Sonny & family sent flowers. So did my friend & Kit's friend Joy along with Kit's other friends Lore, Laura & Noriko. Another relative also sent flowers. My high school classmates Joji & Corette came with their husbands. The family of another classmate Baba also visited. Her mother and Pa were neighbors in Manila and have known each other for years.
It was a long and exhausting day. We were grateful for all the help and caring we received.
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